A big step forward for mother and daughter

Last spring and summer were a blur to us as we struggled through the last stages of cancer with Jackie's mother, Ruby.

One of the therapeutic activities that Jackie did before spending the last weeks in Indiana was to strip the wall paper in the bathrooms.

Carmen chose the new color for the room. We were all concerned that it might be too green. After nearly a year, we finally painted the walls with the settled paint (lots of stirring) while Jackie and Becca were in Chicago. The skill of the painter was also working against any chance of this room turning out right.

A week later, after two coats and several touch up jobs, the room glows green into the hallway. The green glow inspired me to take a picture that couldn't capture a fraction of the color.

Finishing Well

This weekend, we got to hear from Peter Lord. He spoke to us five times and encouraged us each time to dig deeper for fellowship with God through the discipline of listening in prayer.

During the weekend, he mentioned that he is reading a book call Finishing Well. I've looked up the book and see that it is by Bob Buford and he has interviewed some of my favorite people like Jim Collins and Roger Staubach. I bet he tried to interview John Wooden. The forward is by Ken Blanchard.

He didn't interview the following people that have inspired me to finish well.

Peter Lord - This weekend at 76, he demonstrated a desire to learn, grow and change through some of the most difficult times of his life. "God's working harder on me now than He ever has"

C.S. Lewis - came to Christ via long, hard reasoned road. Married late in life. Lost his wife not long after marriage. Journaled
A Grief Observed for many to read later.

Charles Victor Eby - waited until he was 88 years old to accept Christ. Walked with the Lord four years before he died. Evidence of change was difficult to distinguish when you have 88 years of habits... but the internal change helped him eternally.

Bud Etsinger - in this last month, I heard a young boy describe his 79 year old grandfather as the "greatest husband ever". I personally watched a transform in his life shortly after halftime (in his 50's) and saw another step up again this month as father to his girls.

What Cancer Cannot Do

While cleaning up around the house this morning, Bud and Jackie found one more clipping from Ruby. This was one that she asked Jackie to get at the house and place in her purse while she was in the hospital at the beginning of July....

What Cancer cannot do

Cancer is so limited.

It cannot cripple love.

It cannot shatter hope.

It cannot corrode faith.

It cannot eat away peace.

It cannot destroy confidence.

It cannot kill friendship.

It cannot shut out memories.

It cannot silence courage.

It cannot invade the soul.

It cannot reduce eternal life.

It cannot quench the Spirit.

Maybe Ruby's fight to the bitter end for life was because of the charge that Paul gave to Timothy in I Timothy 6:12 "Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your good confession in the presence of many witnesses."

Or maybe it was to mentor her loved ones just one last time to never give up.

Or maybe it was to let cancer and Satan know for sure, that they were limited and ineffective.

I hope that one day you will be able to ask her yourself.

Ribbon of Hope

In Ruby's last month here with us, her feet were rarely soiled with the dust of the earth, so Jesus probably would not have chosen to wash her feet.

Jesus would have sat at her side and held her hand, and prayed with her and for her. He would have prayed with the family, talked with the family, loved the family and prayed to the Father for her family.

Jesus would have been the greatest husband to her like Bud was in sickness and in health.

Jesus also would have read scripture like Larry did, pastored like Ruth, Ott, Mike and Mike did, praised God with song as the family did, loved like the residents and families of Miller's Merry Manor, visited like their Sunday School class at Union Center Church of the Brethren, prepared food for the family like the neighbors of all denominations surrounding them, given gifts and letters like Kenzi did, fed her like Kim did, drove long routes like Robin, turned her and washed her and comforted her in numerous ways like the staff at Miller's Merry Manor and Elkhart General Hospital did, and wept like Ruby's sisters and daughters did.

Oh, yes, and there would be laughter and children.

Ruby always wanted what Jesus wanted, and even moreso as the end of her life approached. In early July, Ruby met with a lady in charge of Ribbon of Hope. A neighbor of Cheryl's had lived through a battle with cancer and started a support group to help others make it through the battle whatever the result. This lady had taken the baton from Cheryl's neighbor and was moving forward with ministering to more and more families.

It was not difficult for Ruby to choose a memorial foundation for donations at her funeral yesterday.

For those that were not able to make it to the viewing or the funeral, you can find out more about the foundation at the following link:

Ribbon of Hope

Remembering Ruby

I don't know where to start with this one, but I guess it would have to be with her persistent influence on her husband to have another child late in life. Bud told me last week that she worked on him for years to have another child. Ruby was nine months pregnant with Jackie (that late child) at Shirley's High School graduation.

Ruby was all about family life. She loved match making. ( that's what she was doing when I met her and that is what she was doing the week before she was admitted to the hospital ) She loved weddings. She loved showers. She loved babies. Three of her grandchildren were born in Kentucky and she was there for all of them. Those things are the greatest things on earth, but where Ruby is today there is so much more and now she has a better picture of what is there.

One of the things I loved about Ruby was her faithfulness, loyalty, predictable behavior, consistancy. Those attributes combined with a hardworking body and a strong will are a powerful combination that can be used to overcome many obstacles in life on earth. Her success and joy on earth was the final ingredient that made the Ruby Recipe fight to the bitter end of life.

We love you, Mom.

Old Yellow Clipping from Ruby

Even while Ruby was confined to a nursing home bed and no longer able to talk to us, she left us another clipping, this one was yellow with age. This clipping was found in a mug by Jackie last weekend and there was never a better time for her to find it.

Earlier that week, Ruby told us that she wanted to stay with us despite the pain. Each day now is precious the principle of the cross is demonstrated. Everyone who loves her wants her free from pain and while she herself hangs on to the end with joy.

Picnic in a nursing home?

Tammy McDaniels was wonderful to Jackie's family during this difficult time. It is always good to have good friends that know how to minister to one another.

On this particular day, Tammy showed up with a picnic basket full of sandwiches, chips, flavored ice tea, a table cloth and cloth napkins. Shirley, Tammy, Jackie and Becca all ate together in the room with Ruby.

Ruby may not have been able to join in the conversation, but she knows that her girls and grand girls appreciate the same things that she does.

The Lord is my shepherd

I shall not want.

Mike Brady called a few minutes ago while I was in the room with Ruby to tell me that he had left “B.A.S.I.C. Training” camp with Carmen and Adam. My cell phone always breaks up in the room so I went outside to the covered porch near the entrance. When I got there, someone was moving a large rock with a fork truck, so I moved to the parking lot where it was sprinkling.

It was still loud so I moved to the sidewalk near the semi that brought the fork truck, still too loud, so I walked down the road. Next, it began to thunder and lightning, so I headed for my Jeep in the parking lot to finish the conversation with Mike and here I sit.

I’m listening to God play percussion on the rooftop.

Sometimes, if God wants you to listen, he’ll herd you like sheep. If you have ever heard Ken Davis talk about sheep, you know that loud noises scare sheep. Sheep can be herded by loud noises like a sheep dog barking or a wolf howling, but they can also know the sound of the Shepherd’s voice.

After reaching a resting place for the night, a shepherd may play a song for his sheep to calm them before he sleeps himself.

Can anyone be thankful for cancer?

This is a very difficult topic, but Jackie's family is dealing with the devastating disease directly.... and beautifully. Did I say beautifully? Love is beautiful, but love has a price, thankfully Jesus paid that price and now we all can face death with confidence, pain with confidence, separation with confidence.

One thing I have observed this week in Wakarusa is that by loving people her entire life, Ruby is now surrounded by loving people.

A transformation has taken place in Ruby this week. Throughout her life, she has ministered to people via cards, notes, prayers, phonecalls, verses, songs, Guidepost clippings, cookies, pies, meals, random newspaper articles, books, photographs, gifts, service, service, and service.

This last week, her family and loved ones needed courage. God has allowed her to exude courage when she directs us to get tissues for each other and ignores the occasion tear in her eye. She can't make us a pie, or even underline a verse in a card, but she has taken care of her family when she is at her weakest moment.

I am reminded of this chapter that I have altered. Originally, it was from Paul to the Philipians, but it is appropriate verse to describe the family that I love and the saint that has been at its core.

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!
Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Did Jesus Love Martha the way she was?

Over the years, I have heard several pastors and teacher use Luke 10 to teach present day Marthas to slow down.

I know an 80 year old Martha, I know a 40 year old Martha and I know a 30 year old Martha. I love them all dearly.

Would I tell any of them to act like Mary? Never...

.... but the question to you is this, "Would Jesus tell them to act like Mary?"

Luke 10:38-42
Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home.

She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord's feet, listening to His word.

But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me."

But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

Peter and Stephanie's Wedding

It was a great wedding, and I know this will be a great marriage. Why?

Reason #1:
Understanding of Marriage. Peter and Stephanie helped to prepare the message that was read at the ceremony and based it on John 17. Tying together the fact that we are to be one with the Father as Jesus was one with the Father. Tying in the fact that unity is important in the church and in marriage. They also served communion to the Christian witnesses ( a church full of them )

Reason #2:
Family Heritage. Before the wedding there were many family pictures taken. Big families from each of their grandparents. Each of their grandparents started out just as Peter and Stephanie did yesterday.

Reason #3:
Family modeled before them. Family is about living together and forebearing each other. It is about life. This list of tips from Bethany to Stephanie that was read at the reception indicates that Stephanie's family understands that the little things are important and we are to enjoy each others uniqueness.
1) Get up when the alarm clock rings
2) Check expiration dates on perishable food items
3) Shave your legs occasionally and shower often

Reason #4:
God bound them together forever.

Reason #5:
A sense of humor. They chose a retirement community dance hall as the location for their wedding reception.

Reason #6:
Love. They enjoy being together whether they are the center of attention or whether there is no one else around.

Easter Dinner at Mattern's

Easter in Indiana at the Mattern's brought back some great memories for me.

The first memory was of Grandpa Bud barbequeing pork chops nearly every Sunday afternoon in the summer.

I can remember going over to Jackie's house and thinking that there wasn't any better way to fill my stomach than to eat one of Bud's pork chops. I've spent 25 years trying to recreate them and fail to do so.

Well, Bud has met his match on Sunday. Maybe its because I've lived in the big city of Lexington too long, maybe its because Bill knows meat because he has worked in a meat shop all his life, but Bill put out a spread of ham, ribs and prime rib that was fabulous.

The second memory was of Easter afternoon activities at my Grandma and Grandpa Eby's after everyone had filled themselves and taken naps. Sometimes we went mushroom hunting. Sometimes we went flying in Uncle Gene or Cousin Craig's Cessnas but it was always something exciting.

This year, Becca got to experience one of those exciting activities with her Cousin Dustin. Dustin bought a old John Deere last year and restored it. His father-in-law also found an old seed spreader that when equiped with a couple bails of hay, served very well for a Sunday afternoon ride for Heather, Becca and Maria. Uncle Bill even threw Louie on the wagon before it took off.

Family Pictures

One of my favorite activities at Grandma's house is studying the two dimensional snapshots that make time stand still during various stages of the Etsinger family life. As Bud and Ruby approach 80 years of age, they sure do have a lot of frozen in time memories.

What is even more enjoyable is the time that I can sit in their back room and listen to them recount those memories. I am always amazed at how sharp their memories are of those joyous, sad, funny and difficult times in their lives. I struggle to remember those things more than a year.


This weekend Ruby reminded me of how instrumental she was in convincing Jackie to like me over 25 years ago. I've heard the story before, but this weekend, I told Adam how instrumental his Grandma Ruby was in convincing me to like Jackie. She may not have known she was doing it, but she was. You see, I was convinced that Jackie would turn out to be like her mother. A mother that loved her God, loved her husband, loved her children through thick and through thin. She loved with time and she loved with sacrifice and she loved with hard work. Who could turn down a deal like that?

Well, there was one other thing. Ruby always dressed Jackie simply and wanted to make sure her daughter was always working on the farm. I got to watch my sweetheart grow up hard at work and I knew her as a friend before I noticed that she was nearly as beautiful on the outside as she was on the inside.

I wish I had a picture of her in her workclothes coming in from the pig barn.

Easter Egg Hunt at Etsinger's

We got to go to sunrise service at Union Center Church of the Brethren (Jackie's home church) this last Sunday with Grandma and Grandpa Etsinger.
After hearing a Romans 6 Sermon from Pastor Ruth, Jackie continued her religious dedication to an Easter Tradition for the kids (Egg Hunt).
The whole family enjoyed watching Becca gather eggs. Adam was coerced to gather eggs as well.

Grandma Ruby placed one quarter in some of 35 plastic eggs. There were also a few eggs filled with candy. Jackie and Carmen hid the eggs while I took Adam and Becca to Grandpa Sam's barn to check out Ben's pigs and the barn cats.

After the egg hunt, we packed up everyone (except for Carmen) and headed for Jackie's sisters house about three miles away.

It turns out that Carmen missed both cars that were heading in that direction while she napped on Grandma's couch.

Etsinger Christmas 2005

Every year for I'm guessing around 20 years, the Etsinger grandchildren have piled onto a couch for a picture near the Christmas tree. When Carmen was a baby, they all had trouble making her smile, and every year there has been something funny about the assembly, but this year with nearly half of the grandchildren married or engaged, it just didn't happen.

Tradition is good for a time, for a season, but there are reasons to move on. For those of us who gathered there, it was good to see a shift of the attention from the grandchildren to the grandparents.

Ruby just finished her cancer treatments, was fighting bronchitis, but still putting all of us first as she always does, just with less energy and more sacrifice. We all continue to learn a great deal from this tremendous lady.